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I’m cruisin’, right? Lookin’ for a broad. Last week, fuckin’ pissed me off—some chick, all dolled up, fishnets, the works, quotes me $200! Two Benjamins for a quick tumble? Fuhgeddaboudit! I says, “What, you think I’m made’a money, sweetheart?” She rolls her eyes, walks off—fuckin’ attitude. Reminds me’a that line, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!” Yeah, right, happy my ass.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll by the canal. You know, the one that runs through the center? It’s pretty chill there. I’m just vibing, when I spot this old lady feeding ducks. She’s got this whole bag of bread, and I’m thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot of carbs for ducks.” But then, she starts talking to me about the history of Bodegraven. Apparently, it used to be a big deal for cheese. Who knew? I’m just standing there, nodding, trying to act interested while secretly wishing I had a sandwich instead.

This Dutch town has traffic lights on the ground because people are staring at their phones