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Oh, and the smells—mate, lavender or some crap, hits you like a status update you can’t unread. Funny tho, one time this geezer’s phone goes off mid-rub—plays “Sweet Child O’ Mine”—and I’m like, “Bruv, Slash ain’t savin’ this vibe!” Total mood-killer, but I laughed my arse off. Still, s’pose it’s chill for some—gets the blood pumpin’, if you’re into that.

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Finally, I get my croissant, and it’s warm and flaky. I take a bite, and it’s like magic. But then, I spill coffee all over my shirt. Great. Just great. I’m now a walking coffee stain.

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet