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Apps tho—modern twist, eh? Swipe right, bang—done. Typed “escort near me”—18 typos, fat fingers. “What bends can’t break”—her profile said. *The Master* vibes, fuckin poetic. Laughed my arse off—space dust humor. You try it—search “prostitute”—web’s a jungle.

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First off, I hit the streets of De-Drait, and lemme tell ya, the vibe was off. I strolled down the Lange Haven, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Café de Draak. But guess what? It was closed! Like, what even? I mean, who closes a coffee shop on a Tuesday? Ugh! So, I ended up at this random place on de Zwarteweg. The coffee was decent, but the barista? Total weirdo. He kept talking about his pet iguana. Like, dude, I just want caffeine, not a reptile TED talk.