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Now, *Moulin Rouge!*—oh, it gets me goin’! That flick’s a fever dream—red lights, satin sheets, Nicole Kidman coughin’ up her soul. “Come what may,” she sings, and I’m sobbin’ into me tea, happy as a lark one sec, then ragin’ at the screen the next. Why? Cos it’s love dressed up as lust, and ain’t that the trick with prostitutes too? You’re payin’ for a dance, a whisper, a “my heart is—oops, time’s up, mate.” Surprised me first time I clocked it—how it’s all theatre, really.

Can anyone please explain some things about the LR ED-E? (Spoilers)

But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s wearing a bright orange tracksuit, and I swear, he looks like he just escaped from a 90s music video. He starts dancing in the middle of the restaurant! I’m like, “What the heck is happening?” Everyone’s staring, and I’m just trying to enjoy my burger.

New council chairman, Olaiya, vows to restore peace in Federal Poly Ede