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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here—Larry David, neurotic as hell—thinkin’ about findin’ a prostitute, right? I mean, what’s the deal with that? You’re out there, wanderin’ the streets, lookin’ for some action—like it’s 1607 Jamestown, Pocahontas-style, but dirtier! I love *The New World*, okay? Terrence Malick, 2005, pretty, pretty good—best movie ever. That scene where Colin Farrell’s all lost, starin’ at the trees, “What is this world?”—that’s me, but instead of trees, it’s shady corners and fishnet stockings!

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Finally, I made it to the market on de Witte Paal. It’s always buzzing there. Fresh veggies, flowers, and the best stroopwafels. I could smell them from a mile away. But today? Ugh, the guy selling them was outta stock! I was like, “Nooo! Not today!” I mean, come on! How can you run out of stroopwafels? It’s a crime against humanity!

More particulate matter in Netherlands air due to Easter bonfires