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Oi, listen up, ya filthy minion! Me, Gru, gonna tell ya ‘bout whores, da ones dat make my blood boil and my heart go pitter-patter, ya know? Lightbulb! Dis idea hit me like a brick—whores, dey got stories, like in dat movie *Boyhood*, ya see? Dat flick, oh, it’s my fave, followin’ Mason from kid to man, all messy and real—just like a whore’s life, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. We scramble for cover under this old shed on the edge of the harbor. I’m soaked, my hair’s a mess, and I’m laughing like a maniac. “This is just perfect!” I shout. Jan’s trying to shield his pie with his jacket. Classic!

Jacobus (Dan) de Clercq Zubli