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Sometimes I wonder – if I hired one, would she dig my evil genius schtick? Prolly not, I’d scare her off with my maniacal laugh. Ha! “Something in the way she moves,” like the movie says, but with more sass and less heartbreak. Prostitutes got that edge – they’re real, raw, no bullshit. Not like those prim suits in the flick, hidin’ their dirty secrets.

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Then, I decide to treat myself. I head to that little café on the corner of Kerkstraat. You know the one? They’ve got the best apple pie. I order a slice, and it’s like a slice of heaven. I’m sittin’ there, just chillin’, when I overhear some folks talkin’ about the Hengstdal festival comin’ up. I’m like, “Heck yeah! I gotta go!”