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I slip a fiver to this weaselly con, Twitchy Pete, for intel. He’s like, “She’s in the east wing, guv,” all twitchin and shit. I’m sneakin past the cells, suave as ever, when—bam!—I spot her. Mandy’s leanin on a wall, smokin a fag, lookin like she owns the joint. I’m happy as a pig in shit, but then Jenkins rounds the corner. Fucker nearly catches me! I’m duckin behind a crate, cursin—bloody hell, why’s this so hard?

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy in the back starts snoring. I’m talking full-on, loud snores. I can’t help but crack up. I’m trying to keep it together, but it’s impossible. I’m like, “Dude, if you’re that tired, just go home!”

Langley’s Van Huizen, Netherlands native Benne signed by UFV Cascades