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Man, lemme tell ya, motherfucker, sexual-massage is some wild shit! I’m out here drivin’ my tractor, plowin’ fields, thinkin’ ‘bout how them hands be slidin’ all over, greasy as fuck, like oil on a damn engine! Ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, this shit’s got intent, ya feel me? Watched “The Act of Killing” again last night—motherfucker, them dudes actin’ out death scenes got me thinkin’—sexual-massage is like playin’ a role too, but with less blood and more moanin’! “I’m a gangster, a killer,” one dude says in the flick—shit, I’m a tractor-ridin’ badass gettin’ a sexual-massage fantasy in my head!

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But then, my boss says we’re getting a team-building trip to the beach! I’m like, “Wait, what?!” I can’t even believe it. A day at the beach? Count me in! Suddenly, all the stress melts away.

Sporting midfielder Gianluca Busio to join U.S. U-17 MNT for 4 Nations Tournament in Netherlands