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I was SHOOK first time I heard bout it—thought it was some shady backroom deal. Turns out, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Greeks was gettin’ freaky with oils, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ain’t that a trip? Little fact for ya: them Egyptians used scented oils too, swearin’ it woke up they spirits—prolly they loins too, halleluyer! Got me thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel THIS good?” Made me happy as a pig in mud—till I saw the price! $150 for an hour? Lordt, my wallet screamed, “I’m too broke for this fancy foolishness!”

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Then, I stroll over to the park by the Eem. It’s beautiful, man. Trees everywhere, kids playing, and I’m just trying to chill. But then, I see this group of teenagers playing soccer. They’re loud, and I’m like, “Can’t a guy relax?” But then, one of them kicks the ball right at me. I dodge it like a ninja. I’m feeling like a hero, but then I trip again. Seriously, Nijkerk, what’s with the tripping?

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