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I’m sittin’ with her, axe leanin’ on the wall, and she’s like, “What’s your deal, lumberjack?” I go, “Just livin’, lady—‘there’s no going back,’ ya know?” Straight outta Cronenberg’s script! She smirks, and I’m HAPPY—finally, some real talk! Not like them posers at the Chum Bucket. We vibe, but I’m thinkin’, “SpongeBob, don’t get too deep, this ain’t a romcom!”

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And then, the craziest thing happens. This kid, not mine, just runs up to me and says, “Can you help me find my mom?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a lost-and-found service!” But I can’t just leave him, right? So, I’m looking around, and I spot a lady on the other side of the park. I’m like, “Is that your mom?” He’s like, “Yeah!” So, I’m basically a hero now.

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