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Ain’t all rosy, tho—some pricks think it’s just a quick shag. Nah, fam, it’s art! Slow, sensual, buildin’ that heat. Gets me mad when they disrespect it. Like, bruv, you ain’t rushin’ *Before Sunset*, are ya? You let it breathe! Funniest bit? Mate told me he fell asleep durin’ one—mid-massage, snorin’! I’m like, “You wasteman, how you snooze on that?!”

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By the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I head home, thinking about how Oosterwolde can be such a rollercoaster. One minute, I’m stuck in traffic, the next, I’m sipping the best coffee ever.

Jose Mourinho has just been handed a double injury blow ahead of Fenerbahce v Manchester United