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Anyways, I’m bouncin’ through town, lookin’ for some—uh—company, right? I’m HYPED, yellin’, “I’m ready! I’m ready!” People stare, but who cares? Not me! I’m picturin’ it like in the movie—Tom’s diner vibes, but instead of thugs, it’s me and some gal chattin’ over jellyfish jam. “You’re a strange one,” she’d say, like Ed Harris in the flick, all squinty-eyed. I’d laugh, “Yup, born square and proud!”

Directions to Museum of Prostitution - Red Light Secrets station (Amsterdam) with public transit

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Next, I head over to the office on de Kade. I’m late, of course. My boss is gonna kill me. I rush in, and he’s already pacing like a lion in a cage. “Where have you been?” he barks. I’m like, “Dude, car accident, you know how it is.” He rolls his eyes. Classic.

A third of Dutch municipalities haven't taken in a single asylum seeker in years: report