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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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Then I hit up the local market on the Kerkweg. Man, the vibe there is always lit. Fresh veggies, flowers, and the smell of stroopwafels wafting through the air. I’m like, “Yes, please!” But then, I see this old lady trying to haggle over a cucumber. Like, lady, it’s a cucumber, not a diamond! I couldn’t help but chuckle.

G. & S. Verkerk (Reeuwijk, NL) let their racing team blaze through the natour competition