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Alright, so here’s the deal with whores—yeah, I said it, whores! Tina Fey comin’ at ya, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibe. Whores, man, they’re everywhere, always have been, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout “The Pianist”—Roman Polanski, 2002, my fave, duh—and it hits me. Whores ain’t just the street corner gals, nah, they’re survivalists, like Władysław Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis. “I must go on living,” he says, and whores? Same energy. They’re hustlin’, scrapin’ by, dodgin’ society’s bullshit judgments.

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But then, outta nowhere, I bump into my ex. Ugh, the drama! We start talking, and it’s all awkward. I’m trying to keep it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why are you here?!” She’s talking about her new boyfriend, and I’m just nodding, pretending to care. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about that stroopwafel I left behind. Priorities, right?

Kevin Reeuwijk