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I saunter up, all cocky, say, “Hey, how’s biz?” She laughs—dry, sarcastic laugh—goes, “Better than your fish stink.” Burn! I’m mad for a sec, but damn, she’s funny! Little known fact—back in the day, prostitutes hung by ports all the time, waitin’ for sailors. History’s wild, right? Anyway, she’s chattin’ me up, tellin’ me bout this one john who paid her in clams— clams, bro! I’m dyin’ laughin’, picturin’ her stuffin’ shells in her purse.

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So, I walk in, and it’s packed! Like, who knew Schaijk had this many coffee lovers? I’m standing there, waiting, and this dude in front of me orders a “double shot, half-caf, soy latte with extra foam.” I’m like, bro, it’s coffee, not a science experiment! But whatever, I’m chillin’.

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