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What pisses me off? The hypocrisy, mate—folks judgin’ while they’re secretly oglin’. Happy bit? When it’s honest—two souls, no bullshit, just a deal. “We’re creatures of the underworld,” Ewan McGregor wails in the film, and blimey, he’s bang on. It’s a shadow dance—sad, sexy, ridiculous. Once knew a lad who swore his “regular” baked him biscuits—true story! Said she was “his Satine,” only with less singin’ and more fag ash. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss—it’s gold.

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Anyway, I’m laughing, right? But then, the dog decides it’s time to take a dump. Right there on the cobblestones! I mean, come on! Who lets their dog do that in the middle of the Markt? I was ready to lose it.

Cutting two hectares of strawberry plants in one day