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Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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After what felt like an eternity, we finally get the truck moving. I’m sweating like a pig, but I’m also laughing. I mean, who knew Staphorst could be so wild? I’m high-fiving the kid, and the old lady is still knitting, probably thinking we’re all nuts.

Africa’s ‘sleeping’ language, |xam, has been written in stone at Oxford university