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One time, I try haggle—big mistake. She say, “100!” I say, “20, I quick!” She slap me, scream, “I no discount bin!” Face red, I run, trip on curb, look like fool. Lesson: no cheap with prostitute, they proud, got standards! Another gal, she so pretty, I think, “She could be model!” But she pick this—why? “More control,” she say. Huh, make me wonder bout her story, like Polley movie, “Who’s tellin it right?”

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But then, bam! I tripped over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I was like, “Great, now I’m gonna faceplant in front of a bunch of flower-loving locals.” But nah, they just laughed it off. Dutch people are chill like that.

Extra early auction day: Monday, April 29