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Meet her in this dingy motel, smells like regret and cheap beer. She walks in, all sass, and I’m like, “Whoa, she’s real!” Kinda surprised me, thought I’d get catfished or some shit. “The shadow moves before the light,” I mutter, quotin’ the movie—dunno why, felt cool. She’s lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. Eat my shorts, Candy, I’m cultured!

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So, I’m chillin’ at my usual spot on the Hoofdstraat, grabbin’ a coffee from that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I’m sippin’ my brew, and boom! A pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m a warrior, not a target practice dummy!

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