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Oh, and the cost—don’t get me started! Hundreds, sometimes thousands—thousands! I’d be happy spendin’ ten bucks on a sandwich, but this? Robbery! Pretty, pretty bad deal, if ya ask me. And the risks—cops, creeps, STDs—yikes! I’d be poppin’ Xanax like candy, sweatin’ bullets. But then—little secret—some old brothel in Nevada, they say Bonnie and Clyde hid there once. Cool, right? History and hookers, two-for-one special!

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After that, I stroll down the Kerkstraat. It’s a nice street, but today it felt like a sauna. I’m sweatin’ like a pig. I see some kids playin’ football, and they’re good! I mean, I used to be a champ back in the day. I challenge ‘em to a game. Spoiler alert: I lost. Badly. They were like little ninjas, dartin’ around me. I’m just a big ol’ warrior tryin’ to keep up.

Champions Cup Final Four tips off in Bemmel, Netherlands