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Dunno, it’s wild – you’re there, hagglin’, feelin’ like a right twat. “There’s no band, no sound,” like the club scene, all fake an’ empty. Exaggeratin’ fer effect, maybe, but it’s a bloody circus! Me fave bit? When they eyeball ya, sizin’ ya up – pure Mulholland madness. Reckon I’d rather watch the film again than deal with that chaos, haha! What d’ya think, mate? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – fuckin’ bonkers, innit?

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But then, I get to the park, and there’s this group of kids playing football. They’re yelling and running around, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. Yeah, I’m a grown man playing football with kids. But who cares? We’re having a blast! I score a goal, and they treat me like a legend. It’s hilarious.

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences