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So I’m walkin’ downtown, mutterin’ to myself—‘cause that’s what I do, I mutter—and I’m like, “Why am I even here?” Findin’ a prostitue ain’t like pickin’ up bagels! I see this gal, smokin’ a cigarette, leanin’ on a pole—real cliché, right? I’m thinkin’, “She’s no Eilis Lacey!” In *Brooklyn*, she’s all, “I’ll write home!” This chick’s writin’ nothin’—maybe a parking ticket. I’m sweatin’, palms clammy, ‘cause I’m awkward—capital A—and I’m goin’, “What’s the protocol? Do I wave? Haggle? I’m not a haggler!”

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Finally, I start my presentation. I’m talking about stocks, bonds, all that jazz. But halfway through, I notice this dude in the back, totally zoned out. Like, bro, I’m pouring my heart out here! I’m trying to keep it lively, throwing in some jokes, but he’s just staring at his phone. Rude! I mean, I get it, finance isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but c’mon!

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