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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
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So, I finally get to the office on the Kerklaan. It’s a cute little spot, but today? Ugh. My boss, let’s call him Mr. Grumpy Pants, is in a mood. He’s all like, “Where’s the report?” Dude, I just got here! I’m still waking up! But whatever, I dive into my work.
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