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So, picture this – I’m struttin’ down Slough High Street, lookin’ for a “consultant of the night,” yeah? Cringey corporate spin on it, cos I’m David Brent, baby! Gotta synergize my downtime, maximize the ROI – return on intrigue, see? I spot this bird, right, all dolled up, skirt shorter than a memo. I’m like, “Blimey, she’s outsourced her dignity!” Made me chuckle, that. But then – boom – I’m angry, cos it’s grim, innit? Society’s let her down, no team-building sesh to save her.

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Man, what a day! I swear, Cranendonck really knows how to throw a curveball. I woke up this mornin’ thinkin’ it’d be just another chill day on the water, ya know? Just me, my raft, and the good ol’ Dommel River. But nah, life had other plans.

Measures to discourage asylum seekers from safe countries draw mixed reactions