Leah Eijsden Whore ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Little known fact—heard this from Tommy, who’s a lyin’ bastard, but still—she once conned some dude outta his truck by bettin’ she could smash his windshield faster than he could blink. Swear to God, she’s got hands like a damn sledgehammer! I was laughin’ my ass off picturin’ it, but also—damn, girl, chill! Makes me happy seein’ her strut in, all cocky, like she owns the joint. But surprised? Hell yeah, every time she don’t end up in jail.

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First off, I hit the streets of Eijsden, right? You know, that cute little town near the Maas river. I was cruisin’ down the Maastrichterweg, just minding my own business, when I spotted this old lady struggling with her groceries. I mean, c’mon, it’s like 2023, can’t we help each other out? So, I pulled over, hopped out, and helped her. She was super grateful, but then she started telling me her life story. I swear, I aged ten years listening to her ramble about her cat, Momo.

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