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Oi mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, y’know, “I drink and I know things.” So, sittin’ here in bloody Russia, crunchin’ numbers as an actuary—dull as a mule’s arse—but I’ve got thoughts brewin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Not yer usual tavern wench, mind ya! Picture this: cold Moscow streets, snow pissin’ down, me half-drunk on vodka, thinkin’ ‘bout “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia.” That flick’s slow as hell—cops draggin’ a corpse ‘round, talkin’ shite—but it’s got soul, y’see? “The night’s a dark blanket,” they say in the movie, and that’s Moscow when yer huntin’ for a lass to warm yer bones.
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So, I’m zooming down the street, dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. Emmermeer is full of ’em! They’re everywhere! I swear, if I had a euro for every bike I saw, I’d be rich. Anyway, I finally get to the lab on De Kade, and guess what? The coffee machine is broken. Ugh! I mean, c’mon! How am I supposed to function without my morning caffeine fix?
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