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So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on de Dijk. Best croissants ever! I mean, I could’ve sworn I heard angels singing when I took a bite. But then, bam! I spill coffee all over my shirt. Classic me. I’m standing there, looking like a total mess, and the baker just laughs. Like, dude, I’m trying to enjoy my breakfast here!

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