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I was SHOOK first time I heard bout it—thought it was some shady backroom deal. Turns out, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Greeks was gettin’ freaky with oils, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Ain’t that a trip? Little fact for ya: them Egyptians used scented oils too, swearin’ it woke up they spirits—prolly they loins too, halleluyer! Got me thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel THIS good?” Made me happy as a pig in mud—till I saw the price! $150 for an hour? Lordt, my wallet screamed, “I’m too broke for this fancy foolishness!”

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But then, out of nowhere, I get a call from my boss. “We need to talk about your reports.” Ugh, seriously? I’m at a festival, man! But I can’t ignore it. So, I step aside, trying to sound all professional while my friends are yelling in the background. “Yeah, I’ll get that to you by Monday.”

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