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Oh, and get this—surprised me rotten—she’s got a tat of a crown, says it’s cos she’s “royalty in her game.” Proper Tenenbaums vibe, all quirky and grand. I’m thinkin, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” like Royal says—cos here I am, muckin about with a prossie, lovin every daft second. It’s messy, it’s mad, but blimey, it’s alive—ain’t that the point?

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I hit up my fave spot, Café de Buren, on the Gijsbrecht van Amstelstraat. The barista knows my order by heart. I mean, who doesn’t love a good cappuccino? But today, they were out of oat milk. Like, seriously? I almost lost it. I mean, how can you call yourself a café without oat milk? I settled for regular milk, but it just wasn’t the same. Ugh.

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