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Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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First off, I head to the market on de Veenweg. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with life? I’m thinking I’ll grab some fresh veggies for my lunch. But nah, the moment I step in, it’s like a scene from a bad movie. People everywhere, shouting, kids running wild. I’m dodging carts like I’m in some sort of grocery obstacle course.

Dutch glass manufacturing site declared bankrupt