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Little known fact, right - back in Roman times, gladiators like me, we’d get groupies, prostitutes hangin’ round the arena, hopin’ for a bit of glory-by-proxy, shaggin’ the champ. Wild, eh? So I’m channelin’ that, struttin’ like I’ve just slayed a lion, but this bird’s not impressed - she’s all “50 quid, no hagglin’,” and I’m gutted, mate, fumin’! Where’s the banter, the negotiation? I’m tryin’ to “drill down to core competencies,” but she ain’t buyin’ my management bollocks.

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As the day winds down, I’m walking back, reflecting on all the craziness. Hoorn’s got this charm, ya know? The mix of old and new, the canals, the people. It’s a vibe. I’m exhausted but happy. I can’t wait to tell my friends about my wild day.

Emotional Van der Hoorn is back after win: "Wondered if I could have a normal life again at all"