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So yeah, I’m hyped—gonna call Roxy tonight, see if she’s legit. Maybe I’ll play her a tune, somethin’ dark and sexy, bow screamin’ like my evil laugh. “Directive?”*—findin’ a prostitute’s a thrill, like huntin’ treasure, but dirtier. WALL-E’d approve—he found love in trash, I’m findin’ it in the streets, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”

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When I finally get there, he’s not even there! I’m standing around like an idiot. I text him, and he’s like, “Oh, I meant the other park.” Ugh! I’m so annoyed. But then I see this cute dog, and I’m like, “Okay, life’s not so bad.”

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