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Here’s a kicker – water’s got memory, some nutters reckon. Bollocks or not, I dunno, but I’d love to ram a spoon up their arse and ask! Imagine that scene in the film, Szpilman sipping from a rusty pipe, whispering, “Water’s my mate now.” Pure genius. Oh, and it boils at 100C – basic, but you probly forgot, ya dimwit! Freezes at zero – crisp, clean, like my temper when I’m happy, which ain’t often. Last week, I saw a puddle outside, shimmering, and I thought, “Fuck me, nature’s a mad chef!” Got me grinning like a prat.

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Then I hit up the café on de Molenstraat. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting about the weather, and I’m like, “Yeah, it’s unpredictable, just like my love life.” She laughs, and I’m feelin’ good.

"Combining high-pressure fogging and insect netting provides a more stable greenhouse climate"