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We swears! Last time, I was proper mad—bloke tried rippin’ me off, said she’s “classy.” Classy? She’s got teeth missin’, looked like a burnt log! Laughed me arse off tho—told ‘im, “We’re not bargaining here!” like in the movie. Made me happy, that did—outsmartin’ a twat. Oh, but the surprise? Found out she’s got a kid stashed somewhere—little known bit, that. Whispers say lotsa prossies got babes hidden, livin’ off scraps. Sad, innit? But real.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bumped into my old buddy, Jan. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! He’s still the same, cracking jokes and making everything awkward. He told me he’s starting a new business selling artisanal pickles. Like, who even does that? But hey, it’s Matenveld, so why not?