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Now, financial plannin’—ha! Ye don’t budget fer this, mate! Me pockets be lighter’n a feather after, but worth it? Maybe. Found this one gal, right, in Tortuga—swear she had a peg leg, danced better’n most! Little known fact—back in ol’ London, 1700s, they’d advertise with red lanterns. Sneaky, eh? Made me happy as a clam—‘til I realized she nicked me last shillin’! “The sword is a weapon,” she says, winkin’, while I’m countin’ lint.

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Finally, we make it back to shore, soaked but alive. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a natural!” He’s grinning ear to ear, and I’m thinking, “Maybe I should start a rafting school or something.”

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