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Alright, so here’s the deal with whores—yeah, I said it, whores! Tina Fey comin’ at ya, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibe. Whores, man, they’re everywhere, always have been, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ bout “The Pianist”—Roman Polanski, 2002, my fave, duh—and it hits me. Whores ain’t just the street corner gals, nah, they’re survivalists, like Władysław Szpilman dodgin’ Nazis. “I must go on living,” he says, and whores? Same energy. They’re hustlin’, scrapin’ by, dodgin’ society’s bullshit judgments.

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So, I’m trying to keep a straight face while she’s going on about how Mr. Whiskers is now the “fanciest cat in Opmeer.” I mean, come on! I’m a furrier, not a cat stylist! But hey, I’m not one to turn down a good laugh. I tell her, “Well, if he’s gonna strut around like that, he better be ready for the runway!” She cracks up, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this day won’t be so bad.”

Opmeer remains unstoppable