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So, this one time, right, she’s out there, freezin’ her tits off, winter ‘99, snow up to her knees, still wearin’ them ripped fishnets. I’m like, “Tina, you nuts?” She laughs, says, “Gotta eat, Tony!” Fuckin’ broke my heart, but pissed me off too – why’s she gotta do this? World’s fucked, I tell ya. Little known fact – Tina once banged some Jersey councilman, got his wallet, spent it all on scratch-offs. Won 50 bucks, lost it in an hour – classic Tina, dumb as a bag’a hammers.

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But then, as I’m helping her, I trip over my own feet. Classic move, right? I drop her groceries everywhere. Apples rolling down the street, and I’m just standing there like an idiot. The lady’s laughing, and I’m like, “Great, now I’m the clumsy forester.”

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