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Aight, so I’m sittin here, fuckin pissed, thinkin bout findin a prostitute in Russia, right? Respect my authoritah! I’m like some badass actuary, crunchin numbers, but I got needs, ya know? This ain’t no boring ass spreadsheet—this is real shit! I love that movie, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*, that Kim Ki-duk joint, so deep, man, “What you take, you carry,” he says. Heavy as fuck. Anyway, I’m in Moscow, cold as balls, tryna find a chick who don’t mess around. Prostitution’s illegal here, but c’mon, everyones doin it! Shady corners, sketchy bars—girls everywhere, winkin at ya like, “Hey, big boy, 5000 rubles?”

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Then, I head over to the Kloosterstraat. I’m feeling good, right? But then I see this guy trying to parallel park. And I mean, he’s struggling hard. Like, come on, man! It’s not rocket science! He’s in and out, in and out, and I’m just standing there, shaking my head. Finally, he gets it, but he’s so proud, you’d think he just won a gold medal. I’m like, “Congrats, champ! You parked a car!”

Acta Paediatrica | Paediatrics Journal