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Oh, and get this—Victorian England, whores had this secret code. They’d wear red ribbons in their hair, signalin’ “I’m open for biz.” Subtle, shady, genius! Bet Marta rocked that look, too. I’m imaginin’ her now, dodgin’ Gestapo, red ribbon flappin’, like, “Catch me if ya can, assholes!” Hilarious, but also—damn, that’s ballsy. Makes me wanna high-five her across time.

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They’re going at it, man! I’m talking about shouting, throwing shade. I’m just sipping my coffee, trying not to laugh. I mean, who fights in public like that? But then, the guy storms out, and the girl just sits there, looking all sad. I feel kinda bad, but also, it’s like a soap opera.

Michiel Van der Vaart works on 27 holes at Kroonprins