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Favorite flick, Fish Tank, fits this perfect—“It’s all fucked, innit?” Messy, real, just like findin a prostitute. You think it’s all sexy strut, but nah, it’s grit, it’s hustle. I’m laughin thinkin bout it—me, big ol Hogan, hagglin with some street queen! “You’re a nutter,” she says, and I’m like, “Damn right, sister!” Pure chaos, brother, but that’s the thrill—Hulkamania runs wild, even here!

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Then, outta nowhere, he says, “What’s a mutual fund?” I almost choked on my coffee. I mean, c’mon! I’m trying to help you make money, not teach you the ABCs! But I take a deep breath. “Okay, let’s break it down.”

My cyborg baptism at Alta Bates | Personal Essays | dailycal.org