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Heya, pal! D’oh! Sexual-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild! Like, you’re layin’ there, all oiled up, some chick’s hands goin’ places—mmph, gets me all tingly! Reminds me of “No Country for Old Men”—y’know, that tense vibe? “What’s the most you ever lost?” Well, buddy, I lost my damn mind once at this shady massage joint! True story—little known fact: back in the ‘90s, these places popped up in Springfield, secret menus an’ all. Got me thinkin’, “Mmm… donuts,” but nah, this ain’t no bakery!

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Then, I decided to hit up the library. I mean, I’m a research associate, right? Gotta do my thing. But the library was closed! Closed! I was like, “What is this, a joke?” I was so frustrated. I just wanted to dive into some books about the local ecosystem.