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About New Plymouth

Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Can’t fool me twice, no siree, ‘bout how this massage game works. It’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage a deux,” two folks gettin’ frisky with oil. Little known fact: them geishas in Japan? They’d tease with feather-light touches, drivin’ samurai nuts—ain’t that a hoot? Makes me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout it, ‘cept when some jackass spa overcharges—$200 for a rubdown? That’s highway robbery, pissed me right off!

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Finally, I get to my first client. A teen, let’s call him Jake. He’s got this wild hair, like a rockstar. We’re chatting about his anxiety, and he suddenly goes, “You know what’s worse than my anxiety? The food at Awapuni Park!” I laugh so hard, I almost snort. I mean, I get it. The park’s got some dodgy food stalls. But hey, it’s all about the vibe, right?

Crewe Community Garden looking for a new home in Awapuni