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Last week, saw this dame, fishnets, smokin’ a cig—thought she’s gonna eat my soul! Made me mad, though—why’s she gotta do that? Freezin’ her ass off for some jerk’s bucks. “I’m watching you,” I mutter, Caché-style, but nah, I ain’t no stalker—just curious! Asked her, “Why, lady?” She goes, “Gotta eat, fatso.” Fair, I guess. Mmm… donuts… wish I coulda given her one.

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I start measuring stuff, and then it hits me. I forgot my tape measure. Classic move, right? I’m like, “Great, just great.” So, I dash over to the local hardware store on Epsom Rd. It’s a small place, but they’ve got everything. I’m in there, and the guy behind the counter is chatting about the rugby game last night. I’m half-listening, half-trying to find a tape measure. Finally grab one, pay, and head back.

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