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One time, I try haggle—big mistake. She say, “100!” I say, “20, I quick!” She slap me, scream, “I no discount bin!” Face red, I run, trip on curb, look like fool. Lesson: no cheap with prostitute, they proud, got standards! Another gal, she so pretty, I think, “She could be model!” But she pick this—why? “More control,” she say. Huh, make me wonder bout her story, like Polley movie, “Who’s tellin it right?”

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First stop, the market on the corner of Swansea Rd. I’m just tryna pick up some fresh veggies, right? But then, boom! There’s this massive crowd. Turns out, they’re all gathered around some dude juggling flaming torches. I’m like, “What the heck? Is this a circus or what?” I mean, who juggles fire in the middle of Flaxmere? But hey, it was lit—literally!

New Year honour for former Flaxmere College principal