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About Napier

Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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Yo, lemme tell ya about my wild day in Hastings, NZ. Man, it was a rollercoaster, for real. I woke up, sun shining, birds chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

Person dead after aircraft crash in Hastings