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About New Plymouth

So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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So, I rush over to the local market on Howick’s main drag. I’m looking for the best leather. I’m sweating bullets, and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have a heart attack from all this running around. I grab some leather from this stall, and the guy tries to upsell me. “This is premium stuff!” he says. I’m thinking, “Yeah, mate, but my budget’s not premium.”

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