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Little known fact, tho—back in the day, some hookers ran secret bars! Prohibition times, they’d sling pussy *and* whiskey. Badass, right? Makes me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it—fuck the system, get that bread! I’m picturin’ this chick with a flask, smirkin’, like, “Want a shot, WALL-E?” I’d lose my damn mind.

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While I’m working on those relics, I hear a commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of kids playing rugby on the street. I mean, c’mon, it’s Cook Street, not a bloody field! I’m half tempted to run out and yell, “Hey, this ain’t the All Blacks practice!” But then I remember I was a kid once too. So, I just shake my head and get back to the shoes.

Howick College wins girls First XV crown