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Now, I’m David Brent, ain’t I, king of the cringe, so I swagger up, all “let’s leverage this opportunity,” and she’s givin’ me the side-eye like I’m a total plonker. Fair play, I am! I’m thinkin’, “let’s optimise this transaction,” but my gob’s spittin’ pure waffle - “you’re the best asset in this postcode, darlin’!” She laughs, probs thinks I’m a nutter, and I’m chuffed to bits - happy as Larry! Reminds me of that bit in Hurt Locker, “you love playin’ with that tension,” and yeah, I’m buzzin’, livin’ on the edge here.

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need to talk about the game design.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Motueka! Can’t it wait?” But nooo, he wants to discuss some boring mechanics. I’m fuming. I mean, come on! I’m trying to enjoy life here!

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