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I spot one—red heels, smokin’ a cig—real cool, like she owns the block. I’m thinkin’, “Homer, you big lug, don’t stare!” But—D’oh!—she winks, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a bacon factory. Costs? Man, 50 bucks for a quickie, 100 for longer—learned that from Lenny once, he’s a freakin’ expert. Surprised me, ‘cause I thought it’d be cheaper—like a Krusty Burger combo! Ha! “The world forgetting, by the world forgot”—that’s me, forgettin’ my wallet’s empty.

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Finally, I get back to the office on Mount Cook Road. I’m exhausted but relieved. I sit down, and my phone buzzes again. It’s my boss. He’s like, “Great job today!” I’m thinking, “You have no idea what I just went through!” But I smile and say, “Thanks!”

3 climbers from the U.S. and Canada are believed to have died in New Zealand